sadness 1

she comes in and out of my mind. sometimes i feel like im going crazy. why was this life no longer existant. why are so many why's unanswered. its been just like a dream, not knowing what the purpose is. being the chosen is another why that makes me angered. why are some chosen to live this way and some chosen to live that way. it seems unfair and then everything means something. nothing goes unsaid. sadness is crucial in a time like these and staying positive is even harder. noone knows how you feel and one can assume but noone really knows. anger is built up inside and it releases out into your reality. some days are harder to cope with the next and then you sit and wonder how you jeapordize your own happiness and how you can justify in your own self that everything will be okay. to hear her voice, to hear her laugh, to hear her cry, over and over in mind. what would she think. what would she say. is she here. does she walk with me. is her life surviving in my own life. where are the signs that shows me shes okay. 10 feet under doesnt bring me much joy. is she cold.. how can i warm her, how can i save her. how do i know that she believed and that one day we'd be reunited. 2 girls scorned by the unknowing. such a short time and such a long thereafter. i just wanna hold her and tell her how much ive missed her. i wanna hear her whimper and tell me that everything will be okay and that my life has a meaning. what was i to learn from this. what were we to learn from this. she lives on in our minds but we cant speak her name. i wanna tell everyone i know who she was. that she had a name. a face. a soul. how beautiful she was., what i rememeber.. what she dont rememeber.. a part of us died that day. i will go on with the inkling in my heart that our eternity awaits and that one day just one day.. we will hold hands and walk into the gates of heaven together and ever....